The traditional family structure has evolved, and stay-at-home dads are increasingly common. Despite this shift, societal expectations and stereotypes persist, challenging these fathers’ experiences. We spoke with a father of one who spends most of his time at home caring for his family. Hear him as he shares his experience on this episode of Moppet Dadsperience:
Kindly introduce yourself and tell us what you and your spouse do for a living.
I am Idris Omuya. I am into land business and my wife is a Federal Road Safety Officer.
How many kids do you have and how old are they?
I have a daughter who will be turning 5 by December.
Are you a stay-at-home dad? If yes, how do you feel about that?
I am not a stay-at-home dad per se, but because of the nature of my business, I am always at home with my daughter.
Since you are at home with your daughter most of the time, can you share your experience?
It is a sweet-sour experience. This is because in as much as I enjoy the company of my daughter at home, some of my neighbours have termed me lazy and jobless. There was even a lady that once had an altercation with my wife in our compound and she called my wife “man of the house with a semi-jobless husband.” I do stay at home to make things easy for my wife and daughter.
How does your daughter feel seeing you around most of the time?
My daughter has just started basic school, so I often take her to school and pick her up. So far, I will say that I have developed a strong connection with her even more than her mum and she is happy to have me around because her mum rarely have time to play with her the way I do because of her job.
What situation can make you decide to stay at home to take care of your daughter and the house full-time while your wife works?
My wife is a senior officer at the Federal Road Safety Corp. There was a time last year when she had to go for a promotion course in Benin, then my daughter was still in nursery two, so I assumed the role of both parents. I bathed her, prepared her lunch box and took her to school. Even the teachers in my daughter’s school never knew my wife was not around.
Can you allow your wife work while you stay at home full time?
I cannot really say yes because as a man, the society expects certain things from me. However, to be frank, I can do anything to make my wife happy. Apart from the love we both share, she contributes 75% in running the family since the business I do has been slow these days.
Do you know any stay-at-home father? If yes, can you share any details about the father’s decision to be a stay-at-home dad and his experience?
I have friends who stay at home most times, but I can’t fully describe them as stay-at-home fathers.
What is the perception of the people around you about you being at home often and taking care of your family?
Like I said earlier, most of my neighbours perceive me as being lazy. Some even gossip that I do nothing but rely on my wife for everything. A friend once came to me telling me that I am foolish for allowing my wife to work with the FRSC, that most women who work there sleep with their bosses for favour. Though, I don’t care about what they say anymore.
Can you advise fathers to stay at home and care for their children while their wives work and assist?
YES, but one has to understand his partner and be ready to make sacrifices. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
How do you and your spouse balance your roles in the family?
It is more of understanding. My wife and I always try to balance things, for example, she knows I am not so good at making soups, so during the weekend, she prepares enough soup that will last a week and stores it in the fridge.
What lesson(s) have you learnt as a father?
Patience, communication, and minding my business. For the past three months, I have spent more time at home with my daughter than my wife. So far, I have learnt how to be patient with my daughter and communicate properly with my wife. Also learnt how to cook (laughs).
…………………………………………………………………………
Are you a stay-at-home dad or have similar fatherly experience with Mr Omuya? Share your experience with us in the comments. We would love to know.
Here is us also saying a big WELL DONE to hands-on dads like Mr Omuya.